The Swing-of-things

Since the Narcicyst concert not too many strange or "bloggable" things have happened here in the Chi. I have started to find a bit of a niche, a bit of a routine so to speak...finally getting in the swing of things. A party on the north side last weekend left a bit to be desired, perhaps I have outgrown my "punk rock" phase, perhaps I just didnt feel the hour bus ride was worth the party that I got to in the end but either way it was fine. I spent most of the night in a hallway, carrying on nonsensical conversation with drunk folks while I was completely sober, until about 4:00am when I was dropped off home. The following night was much more fun, a sunday spent at my house, a couple of folks came by, we ate, drank, and were merry. It is always interesting to be able to talk to people who end up to surprise you in the sense that you thought you knew them already and they turn out to be someone different or you get along with them better than you would have expected so. The majority of sunday was spent with one friend until the rest of them joined a couple hours later, but it was comfortable, they know how to carry a conversation, are a comical person, and I like them more every time I see them and realize how off my 1st impressions were. Our evening was well spent, we all laughed and analyzed, talked about gender, culture, race...race...race..it's such a change to have POC in my life all the time everyday, its...wonderful.
Otherwise things at the Markaz are well, not much seems to happen, plus there has been a lot of reshuffle, now I am an official member of the youth program in addition to doing the cultural work that I got hired to do. Working with the youth program is a great experience, its wonderful to spend 3 hours a night with a group of inner-city youth of color. The last meeting there was a long conversation about the term "3beed", we sat in a circle and all went through our feelings. It was stressful as hell, seeing how far we have come as POC, seeing how badly internalized racism and racial privilege still affects us to this day. The conversation was tense, and surprising seeing how even the black youth said that they really didnt care about the use of the word. It got the point where people said "it doesnt matter what people call you, they are just words" or arguing that "the meaning changed so its okay". Throughout the debate that ensued a few of us argued about the word, about history, etc I dont think many people swapped sides. However it ended on a positive note with people saying regardless of feelings this was one of the banned words in the markaz, people can have their own issues outside the space, but inside that is not tolerated. The youth have also started to take a liking to me I think, we joke around, they seem to trust me to a certain level, and I am getting to know them all personally.
My job, and just things in general have really made me hone my politics. It has really brought to light the difference between academic la la theory and the reality. Nothing I learned in books, lectures, and seminars matters to the people that I actively talk to everyday. These theories are of course not useless inherently, but unless there is a way to communicate the importance to a group of people who dont have time to sit down for an academic lecture it makes no difference. Someone can stay locked in the ivory tower for decades and write about whiteness, race theory, etc etc but it has absolutely no effect on my co-workers, their children, my neighbors, or anyone else that I see on a daily basis. And therein lies the challenge of applying what I spent 3 years in Madison WI doing. How do I apply this knowledge, which I do think is valuable, to the realities lived by everyone around me and increasingly the realities lived by me? In the end, as frustrating as it is dealing with people sometime I realize truly that they are my people and that is above all that matters. We may disagree, argue, fight, but in the end they are my people, people of color and specifically within that arabs. And after all if we dont love ourselves...who will?