Thinking of Um-Nizar

The story of Um Nizar was told to me yesterday by a close friend of friends. The story goes that in the mid 90's she was finally able to return back to Lebanon for the first time in 10 years(due to the civil war) and at that time was doing her doctoral research. Her research,the topic of which I am unaware, took her through the many refugee camps in Lebanon. However when she was in the most notorious (and awful) camp 3in Al-Hilwe she met a very memorable woman there named Um Nizar. Now from the story it was a bit hard to understand the relevance of the name, she made a statement hinting that many of the Palestinian women had the nom du guerre of "Um Nizar" but this particular woman was actually the mother of Nizar, so her name was more fitting. Now Um Nizar ran a school in the 3in Al-Hilwe camp for the refugee children (of which she was one) and through the complicated political realities of the Palestinian refugee camp was really a matriarch of the school. Um-Nizar taught the children songs and history of a Homeland that they would never see in their lifetimes. That being said, the story goes that when the Israeli army invaded Lebanon they came to the camps. As the camp was under seige Um Nizar got the children in the school for protection and soon the Israeli tanks arrived. Here is where many details of the story were left out, needless to say a high ranking Israeli military person (captain, corporal, general? I dont really know) almost killed Um Nizar with his bare hands, she survived and asked him why to which he responded "Because you are more dangerous than Abu 3mmar (Yasser Arafat)." He told her that her school gave her access to 300 young minds and she was the one making his mission fail by maintaining Palestinian identity in the hearts and minds of the next generation. Apparently when recounting the story, Um Nizar, the 5ft giant of a woman, cannot help but laugh through the entire thing. And therein lies the reason why I am thinking about this story still. There is a saying in 3rabi that essentially translates to "that which is most tragic is also funniest". I wonder how a woman who has lost everything, and lives in quite possible the worst place on earth, can recount a story of almost being killed and laugh. At this moment I dont really have an analysis for it, just tired musings and memories of Um Nizar who I cannot seem to get off my mind

-M7

Long gone

Wow a lot can happen in the 5 weeks that I dont post on my blog but what can I say there is a big difference between experiencing things and then wanting to write about them after I experienced them. So much has happened since my last post I dont even know where to begin or what to talk about specifically. For beginners the first thing on my mind is how much I now feel at "home" here in Chicago. I love my neighborhood, my landlords son offers me good incite into the humorous world of an 18 year old boy, and things are generally busy and filled with people on most days when it is warm. There are many whole in the wall type restaurants in the area, some that I still have to discover, being a non-spanish speaking vegan makes me a bit hesitant to try out the local mexican restaurants, not because I am afraid of the food but because the reality is I am imposing my english language and vegan diet upon them. That is another thing I have been thinking about a lot lately, the long hair, light skin, and inability to speak Spanish leaves me to be mislabeled a lot in my neighborhood. Many people upon first sight (I assume) consider me a random white dude. I can almost read word for word in their faces (what is he doing here?). The sad reality is that many of these times of neighborhoods and communities in Chicago are facing gentrification, more heavily in the areas like Pilsen and Humbolt Park etc. This far south has not really experienced it at all yet, the south side is still too "poor" for upper-class whites to want to move in, and the fact that there is no university in this area also plays a role. That being said, when someone with light-skin & long hair cruises through West Lawn on a red road bike I am sure it leaves a bad taste in the mouth of my neighbors, and frankly I cant blame them at all, in fact I encourage that feeling. I often wonder if I am playing my role in gentrification as well, true I am POC, and working-class, but the reality is I have not done much, or anything really, to become a part of the community here. Also my privileges cast shadows upon those of my neighbors, and again the way that I look and the fact I dont speak any Spanish doesn't help me either. That being said I dont think I could trade in any of this neighborhood, not a single part of it, for anything in the gentrified areas. There is so much beauty in this area, sure its run down, the trash is every where, and the city generally neglects it, but you can feel true relationships between people. There families hanging out on the stoops, the honk of the Corn vendors horn, the daily ice cream truck playing that same terrible song, and the laugh of children riding their bikes and shooting each other with nerf guns faintly rings through my windows. That however is not the total reality, people at work keep telling me "just wait until summer comes" meaning just wait until the violence starts to spike. My neighborhood is not a bad place at all, in fact from what I can gather there is zero to little gang activity. However the area where I work is right on the divide between the black and latino communities and has a bit of a history and "reputation". 63rd and Kedzie is known for some violent upswings, there was a shooting right outside the Markaz all ready this year. Last year the jewelry store across the street got robbed at gun point which resulted in multiple injuries and I believe one of the people trying to hold up the store died right there on the corner just a block from the store being robbed. So with the city living comes the ups and downs, I guess I will only really be able to know what its like once I live through it this summer but I am excited for summer. The city has been slowly becoming more and more alive as the weather gets warmer and warmer and you cant help but love to see all the beautiful black and brown children out in the streets on a warm day. So Chicago feels more "normal" now, I crave the south-side. Whenever I go downtown, or any other place, it feels nice to come back to my apartment on the quite street, lined with houses filled with families speaking Spanish on their stoops as their kids ride bikes up and down the street. Life seems much real-er here than any other place I have spent time in. Everyone is trying to get by, its true, but there isnt the crazy business-like style of life there is in downtown Chicago, or in Madison even. People have time to just exist, to just be with each other, be with their families, and spend time living. It is something that the richer areas of Chicago could learn from these streets, and if Chicago needs anything, its probably to chill-the-fuck-out every once in a while. And most importantly I need to chill-the-fuck-out every once in a while as well. As I get more settled here I am beginning to navigate the Chicago social scene closer and closer trying to find my niche...its tricky business, it is hard to find people I really click with. But in the end I have to remind myself not to let that get me anxious, after all in a lot of ways I am happier here than I have ever been before in my life. Sure life isnt perfect, and there is still a lot that I wish could be different. But my life as always been like that, I have always spent my time wishing to change things and I guess that is okay. It is a process after all, and in reality if everything was what I wanted it to be life maybe a bit boring. For the time being there is quite a few things to be desired which translates to a lot of work that needs to be done. That being said as summer creeps nearer the Sun is shining more and more on the south-side and that makes my new home feel even more homely.